There is hope after Infidelity or an Affair...

"In reflecting on marital issues in my practice as a marriage counselor, I've found that infidelity is one of the fastest growing concerns among people. Specializing in infidelity and affairs allows me to focus on really helping couples through very difficult times in their life.

"I've developed this website in order to help as many as couples as I can to resolve issues after infidelity and affairs."

Judith S. Barnett

If you have experienced the trauma of infidelity, don’t feel alone. Statistics show over 70-80% of married couples struggle with this issue sometime during the course of their marriage.

Because of the shame and guilt associated with this issue it is hard to get support, advice, and help from your friends and relatives. And yet without help, your odds are decreased of getting through the maze of recovery in the most expedient and constructive way. Sometimes, especially with this issue, help may need to come in the form of a professional specifically trained to help couples meet the challenges after infidelity and affairs.

Whether you call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity, or breaking your monogamy vows, it profoundly hurts people in committed relationships. It is the single most hurtful and destructive thing that can occur in a marriage where monogamy is the stated goal. Because it is so devastating, it is quite often not handled very constructively in relationships. Infidelity does not have to mean an end to the relationship. In some cases, however, people may make that choice because they don’t know what the options are. And in some cases, the best option may be to end the relationship [e.g., where there are multiple affairs, no genuine remorse or plans for recovery] But for an overwhelming majority of cases of infidelity, not only can the relationship be saved but it can evolve into a stronger and more resilient and even more intimate relationship than before. However, this often requires some skillful facilitation from a therapist specifically trained in dealing with issues after infidelity occurs.

Why it is important to see a counselor who specializes in infidelity?

Traditional marriage counseling training usually contains only a cursory overview of the issues and interventions required for a thorough treatment of infidelity.  A counselor treating couples struggling with this challenge needs to be specifically trained in a variety of treatment regimens for the myriad of infidelity issues that are involved.

Research has indicated that a couple is more likely to remain married if an extramarital affair is thoroughly explored and dealt with in a specific targeted manner.

Yet, almost 80% of couples in counseling said that their therapist mainly focused on general marital problems rather than the affair; and/or said that their therapist encouraged them to quickly cover highlights of the affair and then move on.  Most of these couples that I have interviewed report dissatisfaction with their counseling experience and very little resolution of their infidelity issues.

Keep this in mind, select your counselor carefully and inquire as to whether s/he has had specialty training. Also, infidelity is a very personal and sensitive topic to discuss even with a therapist.  Interview your prospective therapist and make sure that you are comfortable with their values and overall approach to infidelity.

And, I wish you a speedy and thorough recovery.

Judith Barnett, Marriage Counselor, specializes in Infidelity & Affair counseling including many aspects such as:

There is more information available on this topic, if you still have questions not answered by this section please call me. I'm usually available within 24-48 hrs to answer questions, schedule phone coaching sessions or office coaching/therapy sessions, or direct you to other resources.

Remember:  Research / statistics on infidelity indicates that receiving counseling after the discovery of an affair is the single best predictor of recovery.

Affair and Infidelity Marriage Counselor and Counseling Resources

Marriage Resources . Marriage in Crisis . Infidelity Help . Marriage Help . Infidelity Signs
Reasons for Infidelity . How to get help with your marriage.

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Updated 2/15/11