reflecting on marital issues in my practice as a marriage counselor,
I've found that infidelity is
one of the fastest growing concerns among people. Specializing
in infidelity and affairs allows me to focus on really helping
couples through very difficult times in their life.
developed this website in order to help as many as couples as I can
to resolve issues after infidelity and affairs."
Judith S. Barnett
you have experienced the trauma of infidelity, don’t
feel alone. Statistics show over 70-80% of married couples
struggle with this issue sometime during the course of their
Because of the shame and guilt associated with this issue
it is hard to get support, advice, and help from your
friends and relatives. And yet without help, your odds
are decreased of getting through the maze of recovery in the
and constructive way. Sometimes, especially with this
issue, help may need to come in the form of a professional specifically
trained to help couples meet the challenges after infidelity
you call it cheating, having an affair, adultery, infidelity,
or breaking your monogamy vows, it profoundly hurts people
in committed relationships. It is the single most
hurtful and destructive thing that can occur in a marriage
where monogamy is the stated goal. Because it is so devastating,
it is quite often not handled very constructively in relationships.
Infidelity does not have to mean an end to the relationship.
In some cases, however, people may make that choice because
they don’t know what the options are. And in some
cases, the best option may be to end the relationship [e.g.,
where there are multiple affairs, no genuine remorse or
plans for recovery] But for an overwhelming majority of
cases of infidelity, not only can the relationship be saved
but it can evolve into a stronger and more resilient and
even more intimate relationship than before. However, this
often requires some skillful facilitation from a therapist
specifically trained in dealing with issues after infidelity
Why it is important to see a counselor who specializes in infidelity?
Traditional marriage counseling training usually contains only a cursory overview of the issues and interventions required for a thorough treatment of infidelity. A counselor treating couples struggling with this challenge needs to be specifically trained in a variety of treatment regimens for the myriad of infidelity issues that are involved.
Research has indicated that a couple is more likely to remain married if an extramarital affair is thoroughly explored and dealt with in a specific targeted manner.
Yet, almost 80% of couples in counseling said that their therapist mainly focused on general marital problems rather than the affair; and/or said that their therapist encouraged them to quickly cover highlights of the affair and then move on. Most of these couples that I have interviewed report dissatisfaction with their counseling experience and very little resolution of their infidelity issues.
Keep this in mind, select your counselor carefully and inquire as to whether s/he has had specialty training. Also, infidelity is a very personal and sensitive topic to discuss even with a therapist. Interview your prospective therapist and make sure that you are comfortable with their values and overall approach to infidelity.
And, I wish you a speedy and thorough recovery.
Barnett, Marriage Counselor, specializes in Infidelity & Affair
counseling including many aspects such as:
is more information available on this topic, if you still have
questions not answered by this section please call me. I'm usually
available within 24-48 hrs to answer questions, schedule phone coaching sessions or office coaching/therapy sessions, or direct you to other resources.
/ statistics on infidelity indicates that receiving counseling
after the discovery of an affair is the single best predictor
Affair and Infidelity Marriage Counselor and Counseling Resources