Affair Proofing Your Relationship

It has been established that infidelity is the single most damaging thing that can occur in marriage today, and its occurrence is on the rise. Some studies show it is the most common cause for divorce in our society. What can couples do to protect their relationship from infidelity?

The steps below will help shield your relationship against betrayal:

Affair Proofing Your Marriage1. Avoid sharing intimate or personal details about your partner or relationship with others (especially when you are arguing or not getting along). This includes co-workers, of course, but also friends and relatives. It is awkward for all concerned. If you definitely need to share with someone, find an objective, uninvolved third party such as a minister or therapist.

2. Avoid socializing with opposite-sex friends or co-workers, where there will be alcohol, flirting, dancing. etc.

3. Avoid taking too much advice from well-intentioned friends and family. They don’t really know/understand your relationship dynamics well enough to give you wise, well-informed advice. Your partner might believe you have broken his/her confidence and feel sided against.

4. Don’t have lunch with same person at work repeatedly unless it is in a group setting and you can keep it impersonal.

5. If you have any questions about a relationship you already have, discuss it thoroughly with yourpartner. Remember the test: Would your partner be comfortable if they could hear an audiotape or see a videotape of your interactions with the other person?

6. Have an in-depth discussion with your partner as to what each of you considers infidelity. Be sure to include emotional affairs, internet sex relationships as well as extramarital sexual relationships. REACH CONSENSUS.

7. Don’t consistently confide in the same person. It often leads to emotional bonding and can be potentially dangerous to your relationship.

8. Do not contact “old flames” from the past.

9. Do not visit secret chat rooms where there are 1-1 chats.

10. Avoid email relationships that involve daily or in-depth personal sharing.

Obviously, some of the best steps toward affair proofing your relationship are those that are based on strengthening your relationship and enhancing your intimacy with your partner.

1. Stay connected by touching, talking, going on dates, and sharing fun, laughter, hopes and dreams.

2. Have meaningful, intimate communication on a daily basis

3. Engage in frequent satisfying sexual/physical contact

4. Explore and resolve conflicts on a regular basis; nothing kills love and sexual attraction like unresolved anger.

Maintaining a healthy relationship requires time. For effective affair proofing you need to add 5-10 hours of quality time per week for the average marriage to grow and thrive. It is absolutely essential that enough time be given to marriage.It is so easy to find all the reasons that there isn’t enough time. But the average AFFAIR consumes 10-15 hours per week and plenty of people find time for that. So which would you choose to spend 10 extra hours per week on? (If you chose “affairs” you are on the wrong website!)

Judith Barnett

Judith Barnett, Ph.D, Clinical Psychologist, Marriage Counselor & Infidelity Specialist in Chapel Hill, NC
20 Years Experience


Completed Externship in Emotionally Focused Therapy, June, 2011

Services Available:

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-Emotionally Focused Therapy for  couples: Completed Externship in  Emotionally Focused Therapy, June,  2011.
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