Phases of Recovery
There are Three Phases of Recovery:
The Revelation Phase- This is when the infidelity becomes known and all the emotional reactions start for both parties; this needs careful managing, pacing and structuring.
The Decision-making Phase- This is when questions arise concerning decisions such as:
1) whether or not to continue the relationship,
2) whether and how to end the affair,
3) what to tell friends and family,
4) whether or not to seek counseling,
5) whether both of you still have enough love to sustain the work that this crisis will require,
6) how could forgiveness ever occur,
7) how could trust EVER be rebuilt, and many other such questions. Many of these questions may stump you and you might find the help of a counselor specifically trained in infidelity counseling quite helpful at this juncture so as not to make premature decisions or overly emotional decisions that may not hold up well over time.
The Rebuilding Phase- This is when you begin to put your life back together, whether it is as an individual or as a couple. Each path has its unique challenges. There is much to be mastered to successfully move forward. Some specific challenges are:
1) finding a way to forgive or a healthy alternative to not forgiving [there are many unhealthy alternatives),
2) finding a way to put the whole episode into some kind of perspective that lives peacefully inside you,
3) how to build an even stronger, more resilient relationship,
4) how to prevent further infidelity in your life
5) rediscovering joy, happiness, love, trust and passion.
Recapturing intimacy phase-
After an affair there is usually a major upheaval in the intimate connection and the sexual aspects of the relationship. Tammy Nelson, who wrote Getting The Sex You Want and The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity, has a lot to say about this phase. You can read more about it in the following link:
There is more information available on this topic, if you still have questions not answered by this section please call me. I’m usually available within 24-48 hrs to answer questions, schedule phone coaching sessions or office coaching/therapy sessions, or direct you to other resources.
Remember: Research / statistics on infidelity indicates that receiving counseling after the discovery of an affair is the single best predictor of recovery.