Healing as an Individual
Sometimes healing as a couple or forgiving and reconciling is just not possible.
Some blatant examples of this would be in relationships where there is no remorse, or there are repeated affairs over an extended period of time with no hope for real recovery, or there is an untreated sexual addiction or disorder, etc. Or, one can just choose not to forgive and reconcile.
There is no rule that says you have to.
However, you do have to make peace with it all to move forward with your life in the most positive manner. Not doing so puts you at risk for chronic depression, repeating the cycle of infidelity with another partner [remember YOUR contribution goes with you to another relationship], and/or relationship cynicism/pessimism or negative attitudes about a variety of things.
So it behooves you to figure a way to put it all in perspective, accept what happened, deal with it in a gentle, introspective, and insightful way so you can truly move on and not jump over the whole thing just so you can get on with your life.
If you have difficulty doing this, contact me and I can give you some individualized pointers and readings that may help.
BAN (Beyond Affairs Network)
A Support Group for Recovering from a Spouse’s Extramarital Affair
Please visit http://www.dearpeggy.com/lbc.html where you will find:
• BAN Support Group Overview
• The Backstory of BAN
• The Need for BAN
• BAN Guidelines
• Coordinator Information and Sign-up Form
• List of Cities with BAN Chapters
• Info if there is no BAN group in your City
There is more information available on this topic, if you still have questions not answered by this section please call me. I’m usually available within 24-48 hrs to answer questions, schedule phone coaching sessions or office coaching/therapy sessions, or direct you to other resources.
Remember: Research / statistics on infidelity indicates that receiving counseling after the discovery of an affair is the single best predictor of recovery.
Affair and Infidelity Marriage Counselor and Counseling Resources